... with screwed views on love.
I could hardly remember when I started having this notion,
"Say NO to puppy love!"
"No dating until you'd done studying."
Those kinds of chants or principles I would denote them so.
Maybe yes and maybe not.
It started when I was a kid.
Was a less girlish back then, when was little.
To climb trees, jumping from one branch to another, to play around with boys,
extreme level of hide and seek till got a jab of tetanus shot for rusty nails prick.
I did burn one of mom's Tupperware collection.
We were playing cooking with real fire,
boiling water for drinks, out of curiosity I burnt a plastic container with a pure stupidity plastic would not melt.
No, the crime scene was behind a post office, next to our neighbourhood.
People say stuff like don't shit where you eat.
That could explain much our parents still not know about that menace (maybe or they stay shut?)
Loss count to how many mirrors I had broken for my experiments with fire and cold water.
*they are the mirrors one could get on round-shaped back in the 90s sharpener*
Not that I had too many boys friend but it was not a cute and cuddly childhood.
Let alone rebellious phase.
*I miss Along, he was my neighbour's cousin. All I could remember is he was in green school uniform (KRS?)*
Then I entered primary education.
Was a bully. Standard two, were separated from bully gang ended up studying in nerdy class.
Primary school's memory we are not all rainbows and sunshine.
I was sluggish, heck yeah!
Filled with angst and ignorance.
Living in own world, hardly could mingle (being a PTS student was quite a curse)
Don't really fit in. Back in those years,
- Pretty girl will be wooed by boys
- Students favours over teacher
- Hitting puberty is another hell (for others)
- I don't really miss those years.
Hard to admit but maybe those earlier notions I got when I saw those pretty girls lingering around puppy love didn't really succeed.
*That was my school, I do not know about yours*
Those maybe the years when silently anarchism creeping in.
but I do, I don't do much wheedle hardly I flatter people for my advantages.
Why would I? Kissing arse is not something to be proud of.
Or maybe I was jealous that I'm not pretty neat enough back then?
HAHAHA. Nope, not a pinch.
Still, the same scenario keep repeating itself in high school.
Those pretty girls, kissing arse flock, I chose to become a PRS.
The safest choice?
what is up with puppy love?
Are they really harmful?
I watched two movies tonight: If I Stay (laptop) and Flipped on DIVA.
They made me think if I could grow up once again,
would I try to fall in love at early age?
With this mind now; NO I do not want to grow up once again, a mistake is a mistake.
Must dang girl learn well from it or learn from others' mistakes.
We ain't live that long.
This thought left me wonder,
what would I have become if I had a lover or a few before.
Must be funny, I would be damaged than I am.
without puppy love or several heartbreaks,
my view on love is way too screwed.
Had trust issue for a trust is to gain.
Well, had a few crushes before but they are all almost smart, witty, charismatic people.
Another curse: a sapiosexual.
Being a so called PRS, I witnessed and lent too many shoulders for beloveds' heartbreaks.
May have glued their broken pieces of hearts.
May have curse or mock some of those guys.
Yeah, another notion of mine.
Don't mess with my girls; I'll let you suffer on death bed (figuratively) pondering your wrongdoings.
So, here I am.
Still with screwed views on love.
Considering whom should I believe and give my trust.
Who could surpass this imaginary wonder wall of mine.
If I wasn't a dry heart jerk, might perform as a well lived playgirl back in those days.
Thank God for these hardened principles.
Status: thinking who worth to spent time, thought, effort, money, heart, prayers on.
p/s: hurted tongue, munched too much M&M :(