Jumping Conversation || Random

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Yo!
Feelin' a bit funky every now and then,
practically previous sentence is a lie.
Hardly updating any entry per month.
Perfect excuse is I jump into labor wagon,
enslaving life to work or passion,
ending days with whines and anticipation.
Lel.

The Labor Wagon:

Ain't getting comfy seat,
ain't booking any bunk but the ride
cause you bumps on head leading to
think-less state...

There, almost perfect excuse,
which is hardly true too.
Urgh, I don't know.
Phew!

Maybe not thinking much on people lately,
concentrating on being an ignoramus into perfection.
Maybe some issues keep cycling and bore me,
where extremist doesn't entertaining like puppet with strings on fire,
loosely relevant but jumpy they still.

Hell, what am I rambling.

Random popped inquisition:
I never find cursing is ever charming.
Casually using b*tch, f*ck and many more.
But sadly I do find hell, arse, bloody is not as bad as above example.
I do not know.
Anyhow,
making cursing a habit may be high chance do not provide a person with a decent image,
As a lady, as a man, a child.

Urgh, I do not know.

There. Lost some touch maybe.
Another excuse, maybe.

Toodles.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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Caged Enrage | Madness

Have you ever feel like killing someone?

Murderous thought which doesn't make self being your own victim.

Nope, I do not have any suggestive vote on suicide but sometimes,

we do wanna kill a human?

If and only if such act is legal.

If and only if human is merely pest.

If and only if we could do anything what we want (to practice animal-ish life).

Hahah!

I don't always get mad at people to extent of getting rid them off my face near instant...

Nope, I don't.

Last time I was too mad at someone was in 2008,

too occupied in inexpressive anger that made me cried instead.

Plain idiot.

Why must crying represent weakness?

Feeling weak and vulnerable for crying over anger is pure idiocy.

I loathe frail character.

After these very 7 years,

a frail character managed to snap my sane.

Doesn't she know I barely keep my sane intact, eh!

Nah, ain't barely keeping sane but patience intact.

She tested my patience well. Kudos!

Picture a frail character, soft spoken voice, a lady-like suave tied to a bull-headed stubbornness.

Read that bull-headed stubbornness as an unnecessary being stubborn at wrong time, so called being independent almost every wrong occasions.

Ahah!

I hate your guts. I hate your attitude of fragile facade.

Because behind that cotton candy coating, there is a BS core within.

Hahah!

By this moment, I have low tolerance to BS.

It is okay for me if you admit your BS attitude or behaviour to my face,

but to fake it and being pretentious,

I really wanna punch that 'pretty face' of yours saying,

"Cut all craps, I know your game. Save it for others who doesn't know, yet."

So I admit, "I'm fake and hypocrite too."

No pretense.

Sadly, not everyone could walk their fake mask proud on hallway or to flaunt it on runway.

I may be a smug with too many BS and confidence.

But, please drop your facade.

I read your moves even before you mill churns anything.

Oh! I was judged too and being compared to you. LOL

When I have this happy-go-lucky image, went all funky easy going friendly with others,

you got this stuck up preserving 'ikhtilat' facade, the most lady like,

the most wanted 'in-law' anyone could ever get.

Trust me,

I stuck around you enough to know your theories and practicals on surviving life is near zero.

When I thought I am an ignoramus smug,

girl, why do you beat my title to lack common sense and being an ignorant at the same time.

Though I have to credit you because it is due,

"Girl, you love to trouble yourself with BLOODSHOT unnecessary things (read: helping others who doesn't even need your help but using you instead)."

Should I spit "padan muka" for not setting your priority right or "padan muka" for being too courteous with manipulating human.

Sadly, 

I tried to straighten you up many times,

being supportive and all before I realise,

you bring upon all these dooms to yourself.

Your choice.

Thus, do have fun with your imaginary scoliosis, girl.

I don't know who could knock any sense into your head.

Trying to calm down,

post 2 days of annoyance.

Misguided,

Lighthouse.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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Breaking Point | Let's Bend Till One Breaks

Bismillah.

Betul ke kewujudan anak-anak yang tidak bercita-cita tinggi atau punya impian yang besar,

ibu bapa anak-anak tadi telah gagal semasa mendidik mereka?

Heh.

I don't know.

Bloody blood shot ambitious thinking too far ahead, thick skull thick headed human;

is the writer.

Oh,

playlist is playing Here With Me by The Killers but mind is so caught up in SheWolf (Falling to Pieces) by Sia.

Unhealthy attachment to wolf.

Lone wolf.

Not a hyena, not a lioness, not evens a pussy cat.

A wolf.

Back to statement in the first sentence.

If that were true,

I shall deliver a load of gracious to late dad for being a constant motivator.

Always tell me,

"You must know how to pick up yourself after every fall."

No, his words ain't exactly those but,

he made me realize why I should work my arse off to get what I want,

do live by certain rules,

guided by particular principles,

regardless both of us are like fire and oil when went head to head.

Thou those days were over,

such rebel won't be forgotten cause guilt still have a ride on my back.

Soon, I'll bury these dead horses (guilt) and learn how to forgive self.

An ignorant nincompoop child.

Hahah.

Situation kills.

During growing up period,

having a too successful big sister, a special brother and a lil sister (she has nothing to do with my bench marks),

had set aim too high,

worrying every possible questions filled with doubts;

they’ll be singing;

"What if I did not succeed..."
"What if I turn out to be the black sheep in the family?"
"What if I failed to be equally successful like her?"
"What if... "

many other things a silly kid could think at the moment.

Roads taken were not all pretty, there are rough patches,

did great, alhamdulillah till I found my breaking point in 2006.

Yeah,

that female dog bite us hard.

It leaves scars and forever lingers flashing its presence.

How does one define a breaking point?

Let's imagine a human like a spring or rubber band.

*Oh, God, no! Now Elastic Heart by Sia plays*

According to theory of kinetic energy?,

kahkah,

when a spring has reached its limit when it doesn't expand or stretch anymore,

till it snapped and broke.

A broken spring.

Gedemmit,

a human approaching breaking point is like a spring reaching its limit.

-..-

Apparently,

I worried too much when I was a kid.

being thoughtless for thinking too much is ironic and funny.

Almost 10 years later,

learnt a lesson that,

"Not everyone has same path or timeline in life."

To lost that, to achieve this,

to being broke and broken,

to be left out and unheard,

to be taken care off too much till it suffocates,

to lead a rebellion of skeletons in the closet.

Love,

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

You are not alone.

Creatures are creation.

It is The Creator that we need to put our faith in.

Too much pride you have, love.

It is okay to fall, every once in a while,

every now and then.

It is okay.

You are human, ain’t angels nor devils.

We are gonna be the craziest parents ever! hahah.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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