Memories: How to Forget and Forgive Self

Assalam and greetings,

It was a situation accidental death 

sudden one.

A babe of mine once mentioned how she felt,

how to cope with such abundance of feelings.

...

It was a death of a random frog at her house car porch

Accidentally rolled over an anonymous animal.

A frog to begin with.

Does life of a frog matter?

Would it worth it to lament over such incident?

What she did to such pity small animal, is it a sin for a believer?

If not a sin, would and could she kept rolling over frog or whatever insect at her house yards?

So I told her not to give a rat's arse about a dead animal, let alone a person...

To stand corrected,

Provided that she does not have any memories with the dead entity.

Asked her,

"DO YOU EVER HAVE ANY MEMORIES WITH THAT FROG?"

She laughed hard,

more to shrillig like a banshee right after she was about to feel sad and guilty.

"Twas a good hypothesis to play around."

All of us must have had lost some or too many one's we love.

But this story is on a death of a frog.

For a knocking over a person, it's another different coping mechanism.

Maybe we'll go deep soon.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

I Think, Therefore I Am

Assalam and greetings,

That's how I usually start an email to anyone.

It has been ages since I updated anything.

Almost 5 years, if it were a boy; he would be running headless in a hypothetical house

living life as a kid.

So if I could choose an age to retain eternally; being 5 or a 6 years old is an option.

There were memories,

Some are still there, most were erased.

Mind is an intriguing 'place'.

Easily fabricated.

My narrative may not be the same as other humans if we were to experience a same event.

We chose to perceive what;

One ought to deny what one perceive as it shall defy what one chose to believe.

Do we really have to bother what others are/were thinking of us?

Does their opinions matter? 

Do people's perception shall affect your life in any bit?

Would you die for not pleasing others?

Did you live your life accordingly as if it is relevant for public back slash?

Does your action has taken a negative effect on surrounding?

Are you happy?

What is happiness? Do all human deserve it?

How to not entertain idiocy without affecting your sanity?

I think too much of what if this and that.

I thought I could achieve this without sacrificing that.

I thought I would be strong; to never fall and keep walking (even the path made me drag my feet).

I am stretchable, limit is what set by my less reliable mind.

I have reach my limit;

A band that bound to snap.

Time to recoil and take a break.

If life is a race, I am a rabbit napping under a tree now.

I need that.

Stay on top. 

This too shall pass, Yy.

p/s: Ask for an easier path, being strong simply means the greater the hurdles.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Jumping Conversation || Random

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Yo!
Feelin' a bit funky every now and then,
practically previous sentence is a lie.
Hardly updating any entry per month.
Perfect excuse is I jump into labor wagon,
enslaving life to work or passion,
ending days with whines and anticipation.
Lel.

The Labor Wagon:

Ain't getting comfy seat,
ain't booking any bunk but the ride
cause you bumps on head leading to
think-less state...

There, almost perfect excuse,
which is hardly true too.
Urgh, I don't know.
Phew!

Maybe not thinking much on people lately,
concentrating on being an ignoramus into perfection.
Maybe some issues keep cycling and bore me,
where extremist doesn't entertaining like puppet with strings on fire,
loosely relevant but jumpy they still.

Hell, what am I rambling.

Random popped inquisition:
I never find cursing is ever charming.
Casually using b*tch, f*ck and many more.
But sadly I do find hell, arse, bloody is not as bad as above example.
I do not know.
Anyhow,
making cursing a habit may be high chance do not provide a person with a decent image,
As a lady, as a man, a child.

Urgh, I do not know.

There. Lost some touch maybe.
Another excuse, maybe.

Toodles.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Caged Enrage | Madness

Have you ever feel like killing someone?

Murderous thought which doesn't make self being your own victim.

Nope, I do not have any suggestive vote on suicide but sometimes,

we do wanna kill a human?

If and only if such act is legal.

If and only if human is merely pest.

If and only if we could do anything what we want (to practice animal-ish life).

Hahah!

I don't always get mad at people to extent of getting rid them off my face near instant...

Nope, I don't.

Last time I was too mad at someone was in 2008,

too occupied in inexpressive anger that made me cried instead.

Plain idiot.

Why must crying represent weakness?

Feeling weak and vulnerable for crying over anger is pure idiocy.

I loathe frail character.

After these very 7 years,

a frail character managed to snap my sane.

Doesn't she know I barely keep my sane intact, eh!

Nah, ain't barely keeping sane but patience intact.

She tested my patience well. Kudos!

Picture a frail character, soft spoken voice, a lady-like suave tied to a bull-headed stubbornness.

Read that bull-headed stubbornness as an unnecessary being stubborn at wrong time, so called being independent almost every wrong occasions.

Ahah!

I hate your guts. I hate your attitude of fragile facade.

Because behind that cotton candy coating, there is a BS core within.

Hahah!

By this moment, I have low tolerance to BS.

It is okay for me if you admit your BS attitude or behaviour to my face,

but to fake it and being pretentious,

I really wanna punch that 'pretty face' of yours saying,

"Cut all craps, I know your game. Save it for others who doesn't know, yet."

So I admit, "I'm fake and hypocrite too."

No pretense.

Sadly, not everyone could walk their fake mask proud on hallway or to flaunt it on runway.

I may be a smug with too many BS and confidence.

But, please drop your facade.

I read your moves even before you mill churns anything.

Oh! I was judged too and being compared to you. LOL

When I have this happy-go-lucky image, went all funky easy going friendly with others,

you got this stuck up preserving 'ikhtilat' facade, the most lady like,

the most wanted 'in-law' anyone could ever get.

Trust me,

I stuck around you enough to know your theories and practicals on surviving life is near zero.

When I thought I am an ignoramus smug,

girl, why do you beat my title to lack common sense and being an ignorant at the same time.

Though I have to credit you because it is due,

"Girl, you love to trouble yourself with BLOODSHOT unnecessary things (read: helping others who doesn't even need your help but using you instead)."

Should I spit "padan muka" for not setting your priority right or "padan muka" for being too courteous with manipulating human.

Sadly, 

I tried to straighten you up many times,

being supportive and all before I realise,

you bring upon all these dooms to yourself.

Your choice.

Thus, do have fun with your imaginary scoliosis, girl.

I don't know who could knock any sense into your head.

Trying to calm down,

post 2 days of annoyance.

Misguided,

Lighthouse.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Existential Crisis

Cheshire cat

How does it feel to doubt your presence in this world?

Neglecting possibilities of having multi or parallel universe,

one's diminished presence shall not affect another I suppose.

I hope this may not sound suicidal,

but if a person is allowed to kill only a soul,

he may has killed himself first before anyone else.

If murdering people is legit, human kind shall face extinction way before dinosaurs.

What is a human race without religion or guidance in life?

The only creation created with wit to compensate his doings.

Shall I ask again?

How does it feel to doubt your presence in this world till you asked for an early death?

Till you wonder what would happened if you were not in the picture?

What would even change if you were not around?

A dear friend told me,

"It is easier to leave than being left."

Sure, ditto to that.

It may be easier to leave; so many 'lost' souls had decided to die in his own hand.

Though one shall argue,

one shall not die it God do not allow it or one time hasn't come yet.

Jumping off 15 storeys building to ended up paraplegic.

Slitting throat to ended up in a vegetative state until one's real death.

It feels funny to contemplate why am I alive or still alive or why am I even born.

Does anyone has thought of this even once?

I don't want to be an odd ball.

Hahah.

*chuckling over agitation*

Hahah.

Sound like I hit the deepest abyss of depression.

This is weird,

I do not know how to continue this,

just want to ask an absurd question maybe.

It is easier to leave...

Jaga Diri, Jaga Iman, Jaga Nyawa Itu Amanah

:: Salam Satu Aqidah! ::

p/s: blame yourself first before blaming others till it crucifies your soul. Nah, am joking.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

How to Love Like a Brat...

Oh, Jeez!

If I know to love in the first place.

I had this quote, can't remember if I get it from someone,

but it has been on my facebook for years.

"Love yourself first before you love someone."

Almost sound promoting let's being a narcist,

with a condition of having capability to love others.

hahah!

I misspelled the title at first,

Hot to Love Like a Brat. Ceh! Sometimes, brats are hot.

That hotness may be sourced from their cocky confidence.

Since being confident is sexy, and sexy is quite a deal (ahem!)

Thus, Hot to Love Like a Brat is possible but ladies and lads,

let me remind you that you had jumped into a miserable love life.

Flaming burning love which may burn items to crisp.

Why did I write this?

It has come to my amazement that almost every week (if I check this blog's statistic),

keywords lead to this blog related to,

"Ayat mengayat perempuan"

"Mengayat makwe""Kekasih lama""Gila bayang"

OMG, please move on.

and yes, they are all related to how to court girls (maybe ladies).

Poor lads,

who did you try to woo so bad till you need lessons to get a significant other?

Well, we could blame girls/ladies for playing hard to get,

pertaining with a concept in mind,

"I don't want to appear cheap"

Err, hello miss! Human do not have a price tag. Unless you were involve in any human trafficking scheme.

God Forbid! Nauzubillah.

From my point of view (successfully maintained being single for almost a quarter of century),

with a disclaimer that every woman behaves almost alike but hell they think differently, bloody fickle and could flip table a second after giving you a peck on left cheek (hahha!).

My observation,

we tend to fall for human's attitude (men in this case), sugary talks work charm too.

An exception for a rich man, may attract gold diggers or materialistic if he is blind to seduction.

I do not know what rich man would think (for God sake!)

Since I mentioned women behave accordingly to their taste and what not,

they fall for good attitude,

or at first blinded with a good behaviour facade a jackass may play during courting.

Or some would say, courting is an act, play decent character just to get laid.

True to that if you just want a one night stand, people!

And again, for one to search for a spouse to spend their life, attitude is important.

Did stumble upon quite a few men,

complaining over why that schmucks get (marry) that pretty girl, laid a decent wife material.

Sure do, men.

Most of the couples that I met,

the one who got a good wife, they are pretty decent too.

Well behave, less patriarchal (maybe) because the point is; those guys do not act like a snob to woo females.

Get my point?

You want to get married?

Drop your stupid ego to act like a playboy.

Yes, confident is sexy to woo like how buzzing bees pit stopping at flowers.

Ayat mengayat perempuan?

Being honest?

Like, admit your flaws if you have. We are all human, if she loves you enough of course she would accept your everything.

Let you be her everything.

Stop the act. Do not act. Fix what attitude one should fix (this goes for men and women).

Frankly speaking,

up to my sleeves, I don’t have any tips on how to mengayat perempuan.

I do not really like sugary talks or flattery over my physical qualities.

Not a wheedle I am, definitely not an arse kisser.

But some women fall for those cheesy lines.

My advice? Study your love of interest right.

Choose your card right.

Love is not a gamble.

Love is not a game. These are phrases I used to use:

"Have a taste of my game!""Welcome to my league!""Can't take the heat, bug off!"

only used them when I was mad at men's fickleness. Haha. Mean prick, I know that.

Why are you single until now?

My fair share of interests are hard to reach by most people that I know (bore me or easily predictable)

Need constant excitement from a brainiac.

But most of all had a trust issue. HAHAHA.

Laugh me off. Seriously, women need assurance.

Pen's down. Ciao.

Moga dapat mengayat bakal isteri.

p/s: now playing: Mengintai Langit by Coco

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

How to Live Like a Total Brat

... with screwed views on love.

I could hardly remember when I started having this notion,

"Say NO to puppy love!"

"No dating until you'd done studying."

Those kinds of chants or principles I would denote them so.

Maybe yes and maybe not.

It started when I was a kid.

Was a less girlish back then, when was little.

To climb trees, jumping from one branch to another, to play around with boys,

extreme level of hide and seek till got a jab of tetanus shot for rusty nails prick.

Ah!

I did burn one of mom's Tupperware collection.

We were playing cooking with real fire,

boiling water for drinks, out of curiosity I burnt a plastic container with a pure stupidity plastic would not melt.

No, the crime scene was behind a post office, next to our neighbourhood.

People say stuff like don't shit where you eat.

Muahaha!

That could explain much our parents still not know about that menace (maybe or they stay shut?)

Loss count to how many mirrors I had broken for my experiments with fire and cold water.

*they are the mirrors one could get on round-shaped back in the 90s sharpener*

Not that I had too many boys friend but it was not a cute and cuddly childhood.

Let alone rebellious phase.

*I miss Along, he was my neighbour's cousin. All I could remember is he was in green school uniform (KRS?)*

Then I entered primary education.

Was a bully. Standard two, were separated from bully gang ended up studying in nerdy class.

Primary school's memory we are not all rainbows and sunshine.

I was sluggish, heck yeah!

Filled with angst and ignorance.

Living in own world, hardly could mingle (being a PTS student was quite a curse)

Don't really fit in. Back in those years,

I learnt;

1. Pretty girl will be wooed by boys
2. Students favours over teacher
3. Hitting puberty is another hell (for others)
4. I don't really miss those years.

Hard to admit but maybe those earlier notions I got when I saw those pretty girls lingering around puppy love didn't really succeed.

*That was my school, I do not know about yours*

Those maybe the years when silently anarchism creeping in.

Hahha!

but I do, I don't do much wheedle hardly I flatter people for my advantages.

Why would I? Kissing arse is not something to be proud of.

Or maybe I was jealous that I'm not pretty neat enough back then?

HAHAHA. Nope, not a pinch.

Still, the same scenario keep repeating itself in high school.

Those pretty girls, kissing arse flock, I chose to become a PRS.

The safest choice?

Anyhow,

what is up with puppy love?

Are they really harmful?

I watched two movies tonight: If I Stay (laptop) and Flipped on DIVA.

They made me think if I could grow up once again,

would I try to fall in love at early age?

With this mind now; NO I do not want to grow up once again, a mistake is a mistake.

Must dang girl learn well from it or learn from others' mistakes.

We ain't live that long.

This thought left me wonder,

what would I have become if I had a lover or a few before.

Must be funny, I would be damaged than I am.

Imagine this,

without puppy love or several heartbreaks,

my view on love is way too screwed.

Had trust issue for a trust is to gain.

Well, had a few crushes before but they are all almost smart, witty, charismatic people.

Another curse: a sapiosexual.

Being a so called PRS, I witnessed and lent too many shoulders for beloveds' heartbreaks.

May have glued their broken pieces of hearts.

May have curse or mock some of those guys.

Yeah, another notion of mine.

Don't mess with my girls; I'll let you suffer on death bed (figuratively) pondering your wrongdoings.

Hehe.

So, here I am.

Still with screwed views on love.

Considering whom should I believe and give my trust.

Who could surpass this imaginary wonder wall of mine.

If I wasn't a dry heart jerk, might perform as a well lived playgirl back in those days.

Thank God for these hardened principles.

Status: thinking who worth to spent time, thought, effort, money, heart, prayers on.

Hahha!

p/s: hurted tongue, munched too much M&M :(

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Being Apologetic

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I'm sorry.

My apology.

I apologize for ...

Honestly, I don't know.

Remember how the world make fun or adore Canadian's manner over being apologetic at almost every situation.

I'm no a Canadian but in my point of view,

to being rude or polite, it does not count what country you were born in, what colour of your skin may be tinted with, what race would you belong.

To own such manner, apologetic or not,

it comes from brought up of one's family,

if the family was broken,

the manner came from one's life principles as long as he breathe.

Yes, we could see how well behave a human become from a miserable household,

we could even see how bad a human turned out from a happy family,

we could see how an orphan ended up being a masked devil or winged angel.

Now we are about to reflect to see which categories we fall in.

Which is yours?

Advertisement: I was watching Berlari ke Bintang whilst typing this,

wow, oh, wow! That wife is a bitch!

Her husband and kid (Intan) are almost an angel.

A stingy judgemental bitch.

Now pray unmarried young lad, for you must find a decent wife to marry, not a bitch nor trophy wife.

Pray to God, till your knees hurt.

*I rarely watch Malay drama because of screwed up scripts, but this drama is good*

May God bless the production crews.

Getting back again,

which caterogy do I fall into?

I apologise too much.

I'm sorry for being me,

sorry that I hurted you,

my apology if my presence ever tilted your balanced world.

Silly enough to ask for human's forgiveness over being alive?

Am I an ungrateful servant of God?

Was I trying hard to please human over the Almighty?

Let those questions seep in deep in heart while repenting every mistakes I had done, or might do.

The sinner.

Subconciously following heart's desire, The Nafs.

Conciously following misguided brain, The Thinker.

What if I tell you, my ultimate escapism is sleep, Half Dead.

My soul would leave the body, the Jasad (body) would be incapable to add any sins into heavily darkened book of deed?

How one could be so sure by sleeping, one could escape making any sins?

Or at least one could hope his sleep turned into an Ibadah (The Deed)?

I don't know, sincerely I do not know.

I'm a human, for one could try (The Intention) to stop commit sins.

May God count my good will, and may He Erase and put halt to any evil will to others (The Makhluk).

Let me tell you,

never start your sentence with 'No offence',

because whatever words follow no offence, they will sound offensive.

Say what you want to say, apologise to them if to speak out your mind will cost you their forgiveness.

Thing that I loathe most is to feel indebted with human.

Thing that I afraid most is to hurt human's feeling if they would never forgive me.

Thing that I hope most is to have a family (if ever have any) that I could nurture us well at every high and low.

May Allah Ease.

Jaga Diri, Jaga Iman, Jaga Niat

:: Salam Satu Aqidah! ::

p/s: Should not step low to please human, should us?

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Words in .jpg Format

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I've been thinking, what else could I do to prevent this mind from becoming dull.

Well, if one (the one) read this, one must know where this title was inspired.

Well, again. You inspired me in a way.

Ah, thank Lord for being a mature human, at your age.

It was fun, it is fun, still.

And dear God, please grant him some speed in typing.

Though I shall admit, I do type fast but prone to make tons of typo (typing error).

Just on another note, I won't commit any typo if I was talking about serious matter.

For an example, I was trying hard to woo you?

Hahaha.

Now,

let's heed an image below.

***

Since internet is super slow over exceeding usage of bandwidth,

Shall share the quote,

if one shall denote them as a quote,

even if they deserved to be called as a quote,

the point is,

random thing found over internet but I adore it so,

ended up saving the images and I'm sharing it's gem with humans.

(contemplating if bots would read this blog, ah, beggar can't choose!)

ONE OF THEHARDESTDECISIONSYOU'LL EVERFACE IN LIFEIS CHOOSINGWHETHERTO WALKAWAY ORTRY HARDER.

Above is one of the images saved because they are interesting.

Sometimes, being fickle does not mean one cannot make a choice but has a problem which would satisfy his needs or which would please people around.

If I were to justify being fickle over things.

But most of the times, 

I'd know what I want.

An example again, I would go bold by saying,

"I want you."

with a straight bitch resting face, expressionless cold tone... after 5 seconds one could find me running away because of shame.

LOL.

But, what is courage?

Courage or Boldness?

Err, it depends. I don't know what sentences should I ramble to justify my random acts of boldness,

but

unfortunately the writer does wear her heart on sleeves.

One time confession is not enough? Enough?

Said an almost genius Kahlil Gibran, 

"Try, failed. Try harder, failed better.""Wait until you find someone who worth more than 3 tries."

giving me more points to ponder.

Hahha, I doooooo ponder a lot over your advises, *maybe*

:)

Till this day, date and time.

I'm still wondering if I should give up or try harder.

Even though I did remark your opinions with,

"One must know when to quit."

To counter self defense,

"One will not quit if one worth it?"

*I'm puzzled honestly*

Being practical over things,

weighing in this age, where shall find such human that could intrigue me enough,

to fight but to reconcile later,

to sulk but to crawl back sooner,

to dote and to love better?

Auwww!

*Hush*

My almost endless rant point is,

I have a lot of words in .jpg format.

Maybe could enjoy eye feasting at art gallery?

(I've been dying to sight seeing at Balai Seni Negara since forever but until now have no reason)

Reason why images are more tempting than words?

"If I rely on words, I'll be moving or circling around the ideas of the words.""Gimme pictures, I could see thing in various point of views."

See? My perception is better if it appears in form of image or at least I could picture it in mind.

I'm good at building concepts in mind.

*Imagine Iron Man 3 during the mind mapping scene*

I claim mine is better. Kahkah!

Power of imagination, honey.

Decent imagination? Double Kahkah! 

p/s: SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Boneka Ais Kering

120506122014

Perasaan sekarang tak tahu nak cakap apa.
Macam kena tipu ada,
dipermainkan pun ada.
Tapi untuk ditipu dan dipermainkan, mesti ada saham salah aku jugak kan?
Haruslah, tak boleh penat untuk salahkan diri sendiri dulu.
Dan kerja buat tingkahlaku ada balasannya.
Jadi, selepas salahkan diri sendiri.
Kita, kita mula bodohkan diri sendiri, dalam erti kata mengaku yang diri ni jahil (tidak tahu),
pilih untuk jahil (untuk tidak mengambil tahu),
kerana menjadi 'ignorant' sudah terlalu dibanggakan dan dibiasakan.
Perihal yang terbiasakan,
salah diri juga. Semua salah diri sebelum salahkan orang lain.
Itu sahaja.

Rasional tak tahu nak rasa apa selepas tertipu.
Untuk diri,
siapa suruh mudah percaya orang bulat-bulat.
Sekarang dah meremang bulu roma rasa bungkam dalam dada.
Rasa yang memberat, dada yang bergolak hebat.
Bergolak tidak tahu mahu rasanya apa.
Rasa diperbodohkan tidak seronok. Tidak enak.
Dan, untuk dibodohkan perlu beri percaya buta dahulu, sebelum tunding jari kepada penipu?
Mungkin sahaja aku boleh gelar dia, mereka, topeng-topeng kaca; tukang layar terbaik abad ini.
Aku pula boneka di layar merah, dipetakan rentak oleh tari tukang layar tadi.
Mungkin ini rasa Didi dalam aA+bB.
Mungkin ini rasa dipermainkan selepas kita bagi percaya dan kejujuran.
Rasa yang selepas menaip baris patah-patah teratas.
Rasa yang telah kutemu.
Rasa pahit, lebih pahit dari hempedu.

Jie,
ayat semalam makan prinsip aku kembali.

Jie,
"Menanam konsep redha dalam diri dan hati."
"Pahit pun boleh telan, kan?"
"Sedang dalam diri pun memang ada elemen pahit, hempedu, 'bile acid'."
"Apalah sangat pahit rasa emosi."

Jie,
sahaja aku telan kembali empat ayat yang terluah, semalam.
Pahit.

Terima kasih, Tuhan. Untuk pengajaran yang tidak putus datang.
Sayang, terima kasih. DugaMu tanda sayang.
Bersangka baik dengan Tuhan.
Bertahan kerana berTuhan.
Dan ini malam aku telan segala prinsip yang pernah dilaungkan; lantang.

---

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

---

Cinta Bukan Teori, tetapi Praktikal

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Dah taip entry rabak, tapi tak sanggup nak publish sebab ego.

Hahha!

Dasar perempuan, tinggi sangat harga diri, kan?

Terus ke tajuk.

Pengakuan, rasa macam dah matang sikit.

Dulu macam naif (bodoh sebenarnya) teruja dengan cerita nikah konon manis.

Kah!

Percaya cinta, cuma kurang percaya cinta manusia sahaja. Boleh?

Eh, cinta manusia kot?

Dan gara-gara enak asyik cinta manusia juga lah buat aku menjadi saksi hati-hati yang patah.

Dulu memanglah jawatan Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya, tapi jadi tukang dajalkan orang pun ada.

Rules breaker.

Dulu.

Sekarang?

Masih rules breaker, cuma buat jahat seorang-seorang, rebel sendiri-sendiri.

Kurang sikit tanggung dosa berjemaah.

Ingat senang nak lawan arus sampai kena sisih?

Outcast? Ah, biarlah.

Lagi senang lari, sebab bila buka mulut dan mula membahas,

depa yang sakit hati terentap jantung.

El pernah cakap (taip),

ayat aku direct and destructive.

Allah, tak ada niat pun nak remukkan hati siapa-siapa.

Terlebih jujur, versi omputeh oblivious?

Atau jujur sampai hilang adab?

Entah.

Masih fikir nak jaga hati manusia atau jaga 'hati' Tuhan.

Kadang,

ayat direct destructive kalau ditabur ke member-member pesen askhole,

yang sakit aku, bukan mereka.

Penat karang, penat berterus terang.

Dapatnya, cerita yang sama berulang, tukar garis masa sahaja.

Hati-hati yang patah tadi.

Nak nasihat tegur pakai apa?

Dalil Quran? Sama je.

Kau balas balik pakai dalil Quran jugak,

"Wahai manusia yang menggunakan ayat Tuhan untuk justifikasi diri sendiri?"

Hahha!

Cinta itu praktikal, sayang.

Teori cinta? Awak boleh pergi kedai buku dan masuk ke lorong 'self help',

Haa, kat situ banyak buku untuk mengurangkan rasa pedih cinta teori awak.

Cinta teori.

Contoh cinta teori bermula dengan definisi cinta.

Cara-cara memaknawikan cinta.

Bagaimana untuk menghadapi risiko cinta yang tak disambut, 'unrequited love'.

Bercinta a la Islamik. *scoff* sebab tanpa nikah.

Ah, sekarang tengah perlekehkan teori cinta manusia dua jantina, ajnabi.

Jangan pandai cuba-cuba nak putar kait ke cinta sesama makhluk.

Kecil besar aku baling dengan sepatu 4 inci!

*garang dan serius*

Dua malam lepas, mungkin.

Member sibuk hantar imej-imej comel kartun tentang definisi cinta.

Dan dipulang sebaris dua ke dia,

"Love is I want you. I don't have to justify what love is if you are by my side."

'I want' dan 'I need' tu lain. Fikirlah bezanya apa.

Lepas tu seketul datang balas,

"Kau tak boleh LDR lah macam ni woi!"

Kurang asam betul, penat aku fikir ayat tu,

*tak penat pun sebab definisi cinta tak pernah ada*

"Hal dia kat mana, hidup mati kalau jauh serah ke Tuhan. Tuhan jaga. Bimbang apa."

Pehh, redho dan tawakal dah tahap dewa dewa tukang bertapa di gunung lagaknya.

Tapi sungguh,

hati manusia ni Tuhan pegang sebab alaminya berbolak baik.

"Ya muqollibal qulubbb..."

Tuhan pegang hati dia, setia, setialah, curang, curanglah.

Cuma berharap, jika dia berakal atas firman Tuhan supaya berfikir,

dia tidak curang,

binasanya manusia itu atas tangannya sendiri.

Jika mahu curang sekalipun,

tolong duakan dengan makhluk yang lebih bagus baik hebat.

Itu sahaja.

Supaya tak ralat bila aku pergi.

Ralat kot nak tinggalkan makhluk yang kita sayang di tangan-tangan bimbo.

Iya, bimbo. Gelarkan aku perempuan bertopeng misandris,

tapi berasbabkan manusia ada akal, perempuan tak sepatutnya jadi seketul bimbo.

Cinta praktikal tu bagaimana?

Bila tembok ilusi teori cinta kau tadi, runtuh dirempuh realiti dunia.

Waktu tu, rasakan aura cinta teori tadi.

Silap-silap ke mahkamah syariah dengan cermin mata hitam sepasang seorang.

Nauzubillah.

Iya, masih bujang.

Keji lah, berhujahkan,

"Eleh, tak pernah bercinta ada hati jantung hempedu nak buka kuliah pasal cinta."

Sebagai saksi hati-hati yang patah sejak 10 tahun lepas.

Terlebih pengalaman sampai jadi penakut.

Penakut sampai lari tiap kali ada orang cuba dekat.

Kena marah sebab kenapa lari.

Tak apa, kali ini salahkan diri untuk jadi penakut.

Sebab pegang janji Tuhan,

Jodoh memang dah tertulis.

Mana tahu jodoh dengan maut datang dulu.

*senyum*

Hampir lupa, kadang terfikir,

kalau aku tak wujud, ada impak kesan ke kepada dunia?

Mungkin tiada, wallhua'lam.

Kerja Tuhan. Ada tujuan kita wujud kat dunia fana ni.

Kesimpulannya,

pasangan awak tu manusia. Bukan dongeng rekaan watak romantis dalam novel cinta drama senja.

Terimalah dia seadanya, insan lemah, jahil banyak.

Cuma, jangan terima bulat-bulat sampai langgar habis hukum syarak atas nama cinta.

Yang salah di pandangan Tuhan, tetap kena betulkan.

Dan Tuhan,

mohon ampun atas dosa-dosaku jika pernah menyesat-lalai-kan hati manusia.

Jaga Diri, Jaga Iman, Jaga Cinta ke Tuhan

:: Salam Satu Aqidah! ::

p/s: lagu patah hati paling power, Warkah by Bau. Pehh!

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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