The Other Side

Dia

"Tak naklah, geli." dia senyum tunduk sebelum tergelak kecil. Pandangannya ditala ke luas padang, entah tuju kepada siapa dan apa.

Terimbas segala kenangan. Ideologi aneh. Harapan palsu. Usikan nakal. Gelak besar tanpa malu. Buah fikiran yang terus meluncur aku, sehingga aku sendiri terkedu. Kusorot lihat pada pipinya yang memerah, kini sudah mula mengelak dari memandang tepat ke mata. Kini sudah reti berlapik susun kata-kata. Kini makin berubah meninggalkanku sepi di laman memori.

"Hm?" dia dongak selepas terdengar keluh. Halus.

"Saya rindu awak..."

"Hm?" dia kelip-kelipkan mata tanda kurang erti.

"Awak, bukan saya yang dulu."

Kulihat matanya pula yang merah sebelum air mata bertakung, mengetap bibir. Menahan esak mungkin. Aku bertagak-tagak samada mahu meneruskan bicara atau membiarkan sendunya habis.

"Awak bukan saya yang dulu..." aku cuba sambung sebelum isu ini putus terus.

Terlayar segala ideologi aneh, harapan palsu, usikan nakal dan ketawa-ketawa lucu dia; berulang tayang. Air mata makin kuat bergenang sebelum tangisnya pecah.

"Maaf!" dia lari meninggal masa lalu; aku. Aku tahu, detik ini akan tiba dan dia bukan lagi manusia yang sama. Perempuan yang lantang bersuara. Perempuan yang tahu apa yang dimahunya. Perempuan yang sering memandang dunia akan terhenti putarannya jika aku sudah tiada. Dia matikan aku tanpa kubur dan nisan. Dan, aku menghantuinya dalam tidur yang panjang.

Perempuan itu menangis dalam lena sehingga (separuh) maut segan untuk bermesra. Dia terjaga. 

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

Existential Crisis




Cheshire cat

How does it feel to doubt your presence in this world?
Neglecting possibilities of having multi or parallel universe,
one's diminished presence shall not affect another I suppose.

I hope this may not sound suicidal,
but if a person is allowed to kill only a soul,
he may has killed himself first before anyone else.
If murdering people is legit, human kind shall face extinction way before dinosaurs.
What is a human race without religion or guidance in life?
The only creation created with wit to compensate his doings.

Shall I ask again?
How does it feel to doubt your presence in this world till you asked for an early death?
Till you wonder what would happened if you were not in the picture?
What would even change if you were not around?

A dear friend told me,
"It is easier to leave than being left."

Sure, ditto to that.
It may be easier to leave; so many 'lost' souls had decided to die in his own hand.
Though one shall argue,
one shall not die it God do not allow it or one time hasn't come yet.
Jumping off 15 storeys building to ended up paraplegic.
Slitting throat to ended up in a vegetative state until one's real death.

It feels funny to contemplate why am I alive or still alive or why am I even born.
Does anyone has thought of this even once?
I don't want to be an odd ball.
Hahah.
*chuckling over agitation*
Hahah.
Sound like I hit the deepest abyss of depression.

This is weird,
I do not know how to continue this,
just want to ask an absurd question maybe.

It is easier to leave...

Jaga Diri, Jaga Iman, Jaga Nyawa Itu Amanah

:: Salam Satu Aqidah! ::


p/s: blame yourself first before blaming others till it crucifies your soul. Nah, am joking.



Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

How to Love Like a Brat...


Oh, Jeez!
If I know to love in the first place.

I had this quote, can't remember if I get it from someone,
but it has been on my facebook for years.

"Love yourself first before you love someone."

Almost sound promoting let's being a narcist,
with a condition of having capability to love others.
hahah!

I misspelled the title at first,
Hot to Love Like a Brat. Ceh! Sometimes, brats are hot.
That hotness may be sourced from their cocky confidence.
Since being confident is sexy, and sexy is quite a deal (ahem!)
Thus, Hot to Love Like a Brat is possible but ladies and lads,
let me remind you that you had jumped into a miserable love life.
Flaming burning love which may burn items to crisp.

Why did I write this?
It has come to my amazement that almost every week (if I check this blog's statistic),
keywords lead to this blog related to,

"Ayat mengayat perempuan"

"Mengayat makwe""Kekasih lama""Gila bayang"
OMG, please move on.

and yes, they are all related to how to court girls (maybe ladies).

Poor lads,
who did you try to woo so bad till you need lessons to get a significant other?
Well, we could blame girls/ladies for playing hard to get,
pertaining with a concept in mind,

"I don't want to appear cheap"

Err, hello miss! Human do not have a price tag. Unless you were involve in any human trafficking scheme.
God Forbid! Nauzubillah.

From my point of view (successfully maintained being single for almost a quarter of century),
with a disclaimer that every woman behaves almost alike but hell they think differently, bloody fickle and could flip table a second after giving you a peck on left cheek (hahha!).
My observation,
we tend to fall for human's attitude (men in this case), sugary talks work charm too.
An exception for a rich man, may attract gold diggers or materialistic if he is blind to seduction.
I do not know what rich man would think (for God sake!)

Since I mentioned women behave accordingly to their taste and what not,
they fall for good attitude,
or at first blinded with a good behaviour facade a jackass may play during courting.
Or some would say, courting is an act, play decent character just to get laid.
True to that if you just want a one night stand, people!
And again, for one to search for a spouse to spend their life, attitude is important.
Did stumble upon quite a few men,
complaining over why that schmucks get (marry) that pretty girl, laid a decent wife material.
Sure do, men.
Most of the couples that I met,
the one who got a good wife, they are pretty decent too.
Well behave, less patriarchal (maybe) because the point is; those guys do not act like a snob to woo females.
Get my point?
You want to get married?
Drop your stupid ego to act like a playboy.
Yes, confident is sexy to woo like how buzzing bees pit stopping at flowers.

Ayat mengayat perempuan?

Being honest?
Like, admit your flaws if you have. We are all human, if she loves you enough of course she would accept your everything.
Let you be her everything.
Stop the act. Do not act. Fix what attitude one should fix (this goes for men and women).

Frankly speaking,
up to my sleeves, I don’t have any tips on how to mengayat perempuan.
I do not really like sugary talks or flattery over my physical qualities.
Not a wheedle I am, definitely not an arse kisser.
But some women fall for those cheesy lines.

My advice? Study your love of interest right.
Choose your card right.
Love is not a gamble.
Love is not a game. These are phrases I used to use:

"Have a taste of my game!""Welcome to my league!""Can't take the heat, bug off!"

only used them when I was mad at men's fickleness. Haha. Mean prick, I know that.

Why are you single until now?
My fair share of interests are hard to reach by most people that I know (bore me or easily predictable)
Need constant excitement from a brainiac.
But most of all had a trust issue. HAHAHA.
Laugh me off. Seriously, women need assurance.

Pen's down. Ciao.
Moga dapat mengayat bakal isteri.


p/s: now playing: Mengintai Langit by Coco

Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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