Drawn A Line

Kau tahu perasaan macam bodoh tu macam mana?

Like you have known someone for a very long time, exceeded 5 years of course.

One day, you get along together and catch up some missed thing while both of you were gone or separated.

This thought always bother me,

And it bothers me bad.

I don't know whether I was missing the memories or missing the person I had the memories with.

Or I was just missing my oldself?

It is hard when you found out after the meet up, it is you that have changed, not the other party.

For I to feel bad missing the old me more than the memories or the people inside.

I'm confused.

I can't settle my feelings.

Sure, as a way to comfort,

I could say, everybody would grow up one day.

One day.

And I was just grow up or grew out of my own self.

Blergh. Not a cool thing to reminisce early in the morning.

A boggle is still boggling and I can't let this thought aside.

Mister,

I'm sorry. I'm not the one I used to be.

Took it for maturity or you were mature since the day we knew.

It is sad. Hahah. Sure, everything won't be the same. No.

But it breaks me seeing you didn't change.

You are good to stay same ol fella like before. And yeah, I blame myself for unable to cheer you up like before.

Life is hard. Sorry.

Like a touche my playlist is playing My Life Would Suck Without You // Kelly Clarkson, just after I've finnished typing this.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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Dear you.

Remember when I laughed at you after you said you can't move on from your past love, or crush per se.

Hahahaha.

Yeah, I still laugh at it because in my point of view, that bloody guy does not deserve your attention at all, not a pinch.

And remember when I said, how good I am at tolerating my old interest and now I'm not feeling anything towards him?

Well, you can laugh at me back.

Hahaha. Silly me.

Trying so hard to appear like a tough lady, in front of you

Oh, I still remember, last semester final exam, how did I nag at you over a long phone call.

Why you should forget about that bloody guy. Of course I won't call him a man, I'm still pissed off at him, making my bestie miserable until now.

Silly brat. Pui.

Yeah, you may say, I'm not in your shoes and you are not me, that cold fickle big heart lady.

*Scoff*

Yeah, you do know my stories, how long we've been knowing each other  pal?

7 years and counting.

I may be harsh on you whenever you asked for my opinion.

I did try the comforting method, but I don't know if you tolerate it well.

Because few weeks after that you came back to me with a shattered heart. That broken pieces again and again.

I'm sorry for I have hurted you last time we'd messages.

I'm not good at handling emotions, and you know sulking with me would be fruitless.

I rarely crawl back to people.

Sorry, I regret what I have done.

This hard little icy friend of yours.

Oh, pertaining of you can laugh at me.

There was this quote, I found over the internet.

And you-know-who-I-talked-about,

Nah, maybe I can only let if go once he married someone else.

The bride is not me. That's I'm certain.

Erm, my apology for I had hurt you? I did, didn't I.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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To Judge or Not To Judge | Friends

Hey honey.

There there.

I'm recapping last year convocation ceremony and I was attending it to meet my coursemate.

Not my coursemate only, anyone I knew who were graduating last year.

Came with my housemates; joyfully for them and having a bit a jealousy for not able to graduate with them.

Oh, please.

Am grateful, a fate is a fate, and my destiny is planned better by Him. That small piece of envy is normal. Not self destructing enough to feel inferior towards them.

Hahha.

Err, the point is,

Before entering the big glamourous Dectar hall, one of my housemate pointed out to me,

"Ya, tu kawan ang…"

"Eh, mana?" I asked because I was too lazy to put on spectacle.

"Tu, yang tudung labuh tu, kawan ang la tu kan?"

"Apsal asal tudung labuh je kawan aku?"

"Dah tu, kawan siapa lagi…".

Ohkay, there I was taken aback.

Err. The dialogue is getting there.

Huehue.

Bear with me, tend to lost in track.

What I'm trying to say is,

when people sometimes question me,

"Why are you not as pious as your friends?"

"Which friend?" If I may asked, try to pull an oblivious trick.

Now, here comes the thought. I see.

That friends.

My bestfriend from highschool told me, when I asked them that kind of question.

Nags her,

"You are happy go lucky inside, who can blame that."

Thank you, Love.

Admit a sinner,

Sinfully, a sinner in past and future.

Not that I'm planning to do any sinful act but,

As a human being,

I can't help myself commiting sin and my Imaan is up and down.

Not an angel nor a maksum messenger,

No, I don't have a very religious background.

Was a rebel, was a naughty kid, until this time,

Old habits die hard eyy.

Oh Gosh, please get to the point.

My point is, please don't compare my appearance or behaviour with the friends mentioned above.

Am a humble gato myself,

*Inself pleadful Puss in Boots here*

I have flaws, loads of them,

Some skeletons I kept them locked deep inside the closet.

Yeah, they prone to do a bloody rituals and curse a nightmare,

dragging present self into past.

A sinful me,

Yet,

Trying hard to improve this thinning state of Imaan.

Yes, remind me if I seem was led astray,

Or too lagha *sounds Islamic huh?*

Choose a correct phrasing.

The outer facade doesn't come packaged with a hard rock inside.

Slow talk to me, honey.

Tell me what were wrongs.

For God sake,

Do what I wish for everyone you want to advice.

They will appreciate it.

A point to ponder, does your friends really reflect who you are?

Tell me.

Pen's down. Figuratively.

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Heh, siapa nak Ayat balik ???

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